food stamp mamas

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Thursday, March 04, 2010

Day 2 of Do Nothing , Say Nothing

Goodness gracious, I am fucked. It is only the second day of this brilliant yet torturous Parenting On Track program and my house looks like Animal House. Last night the kids fought so much I wanted to freak out and yell and seperate everyone as I lay on my bed trying to keep busy so my mouth would not speak. It is hard. I realize how much I boss and command and control how we get through a day. I woke yesterday wondering with anxiety how can we function if I am not Sarge in charge. Well Big Boy stepped up and sounds like mini me. Cripes and my noodling daughter woke up and played video games and is now trying on my clothes. I want to fucking scream... it feels so scary to not control every- thing they do. I have been under this illusion that to be a "good mama" I have to make sure the kids are taken care of in everyway under my dictation so no one suffers w/o a coat or lunch or is late or they have a perfect, nutritious lunch. Now they make their own lunches. Daughter left her's on the table overnight (yogurt and turkey) I did nothing and said nothing... I am learning so much about us as a family and as painful as it is to realize I have been mothering from an illusion I am ready to step over the coats, let the dishes pile up and let them be... as i continue my 7 day challenge.


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