food stamp mamas

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Back on track

Good Morning,
So as I struggle to be a creative blogging mama I realize the challenge of posting daily in real time is a commitment that continues to elude me. So here I am back tracking my journey. I left off at day two sooo day three ARGHHHHH! I woke up just freaking out everything is a fucking mess and I just want to cry it feels so out of control good damn this SNDN!! I want to quit today! somehow with lots of whinning and unpreparedness we get out the door and as soon as Tigress enters school I call my therapist and leave a long crazy message(to be in one long breath/... "Oh my god I am freaking out, I can't do this it's too hard they aren't doing anything, no showers, no ones brushing their teeth or eating real food OOHHH maybe it's my fault maybe they have too many responsibilites already and I am fucking nuts for expecting them to take care of the stuff I am supposed to do as their mother" deep breath "if I wasn't going on this retreat I would quit right now shit!" message time over I am in a daze as I stumble toward the coffee to stop feeling this feeling.  Is it too early to have whiskey? how far would my bus pass take me.  the crazy real time shit is as I write I am listening to Pema Chodren talking about Tongelin/ Maitri self compassion and how to breathe in the feelings of discomfort and sit with them. Profound way softer than whiskey...   Compassion is what heals us... TBC

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